Day 2

We woke later today and had a lazier morning, which was needed. Clearly our walking stamina isn’t up to scratch! At breakfast I almost stacked it right into the scrambled eggs but managed to avoid completely embarrassing myself in front of other hotel guests and staff. Alex had his back to the food service area and was devastated to have missed the spectacle. Whilst drinking our post breakfast coffee and hot chocolate (delicious) respectively, we poured over Google maps to figure out a more specific plan of where to go. Boy, was I glad that we did!

We took a moderately terrifying Uber (seriously, road markings and traffic signals are considered for the weak here) that went on a different highway that took us up through the hills over the city. The views were spectacular and, as I clung on for dear life, I think it’s one of the best city drives I’ve been on with the most beautiful views. It even topped seeing a woman with six fingers on the back of a moped during the previous day’s Uber back to the hotel that I totally forgot to mention in the previous post (she had an extra thumb growing out of her thumb. I felt bad for it, the other nails all had acrylics but she had ignored that one. Or maybe it would have cost extra?). Anyway, spectacular views and we had it drop us at the area that we realised we had missed the previous day.

This area was much quieter, much to our relief. These were the beautiful, colourful old buildings I had heard about and wanted to see. We followed our planned grid that included Calles 8-12 as they intersected with Carreras 2-4. Turned out we should have just carried on east up the hill from the beautiful church the previous day rather than head back west into the main square. We spent a long time just wandering about and taking photos. It wasn’t busy at all and had a much calmer atmosphere.

Eventually our wandering took us to a busier hub where some of the more famous photo spots were.

After a little look around we decided to head back to the quieter area to a place I had spotted for a beer and a lunch. Beer was ice cold, and the food was delicious although the service seemed to drop off a cliff at some point – our fixed price lunch menu was meant to include juice and some sort of dessert, or “postre” but after an hour and a half, with other patrons coming and going we decided to forgo any chance of a postre, lest we never leave the establishment.

Some more mooching about, taking a few more photos, then we headed to the free museum which had various different sections. We started off in the Mint museum, learning about coinage, then into the modern art museum and then we stumbled into the permanent Botero collection. Arguably one of Colombia’s most famous artists and only recently deceased, you may not have heard of him, but you might recognise Botero’s work from this particular meme:

Anyway, can’t say I love the style… in fact I find it distinctly ugly (I’m allowed to say such things; I studied History of Art, dontcha know). Mind you, I can’t say that I don’t find it compelling to look at. Much like when people slow down their cars to look at car crashes. Alex, on the other hand, has decided Botero is his new famous artist and sees all of the art as singularly amusing. Which, I suppose, it is. Art is meant to make you feel, man.

We headed back to the hotel after that. We felt we had done quite enough culture for one day. A short rest was had, and we headed out just to have a little stroll in the local area, and very bougie it was too. We had a nice beer, and went to a local Mexican place called Cantina y Punto (yes, yes I know, we’re in Colombia) which was delicious, even if the cocktails were almost London prices, the music too loud for my ageing ears and the lights too dim for my ageing eyes. Would recommend for the food and drinks; had a sublime Watermelon agua fresca. Food and drink consumed, we took a short trip to a local supermarket that was very fancy; think Colombian Waitrose, for some water (tap water is fine here but tastes a bit chemically and a couple of hotel room beers. Which I ended up not drinking because surprise surprise I was in bed and asleep by 9:05pm. At least I’m nothing if not consistent.

Day 3

Up bright and early as needed to repack our bags – off to Cartagena in the evening (I am in fact writing this up in the airport lounge). After breakfast and checking out, we left our bags in their secure luggage hold and went to the cable car to go up to Monserrate. We got there in really good time but had completely failed to take into account that it was a Saturday. We had tried to pr-book tickets, but the website didn’t seem to work on any of our devices.

The ticket area was gently chaotic – the traditional vendors selling all manner of stuff from the conventional water, soft drinks, fruit and bbq skewers, to the specific such as binoculars, umbrellas, waterproofs, sunglasses and sunhats, to the downright bizarre: “Big Ass Ants – aphrodisiac”. I kid you not not:

Anyway, we queued for our tickets and got returns on the cable car. This was, perhaps, my first mistake. Not least because I missed the chance to go on a funicular. The queue after the ticket queue initially seemed to go down quite quickly. This was a fallacy, however. The fast people were in the funicular, there was another queue inside for the cable car. Our tickets were checked, we queued some more. We were eventually crammed into the cable car which was, admittedly, spectacular both for its views and its insanely steep incline.

Once at the top we were immediately struck by the extra few hundred metres of altitude and how busy it was. The views were breathtaking. We did the rounds, walked through the tat vendors and food hall (that was like running the gauntlet of aggressive restauranteurs), out to a rocky outcrop of a viewing platform that overlooked more of the mountains and forest.

There were plenty of people going through holes in the “no pasa” fences for the ultimate insta shot on a precarious log, but we were not amongst them. Call me crazy, but I have a sense of self preservation. We headed back to the main area and viewpoint – honestly the panorama is insane!

I even convinced Alex to do a selfie (he took umbrage that I did, in fact, take six).

We felt it was time to descend. The queuing system had other ideas. At this point we probably should have walked down; there is a well-trod hike trail that wouldn’t have been too tricky for a descent. Or bit the bullet and, despite having bought a return cable car ticket, bought a funicular descent. Alas, we trusted in the queue. After queuing outside for about 50 mins, we thought “Hurrah!” I even optimistically said to Alex “Get the ticket ready!”. My optimism was short lived, as we got to join another queue inside the cable car house.

By the time we eventually got back on the cable car, our will to live was weak. Thankfully, Alex had a nearby eatery, Ajonjolí, saved on the map and it was exactly what we needed. Fixed menu, chunky veg soup, meat, rice, salad, plantain. I panicked slightly and got something that I had assumed from the description the woman gave me, would be a bit like cornbread but with plantain. It was basically banana bread. I also said “no” to salsa, wrongly assuming that “plancha” or grill, was different to the “salsa” option. Salsa was just the grilled option with sauce. Never mind! still delicious.

Making our way back to the hotel proved somewhat adventurous. Our first Uber got a flat tyre. Like a full on flat. He had to pull over on the carriageway basically in an underpass. Felt seriously sketchy. He was fine with us cancelling and ordering another (there was actually a pavement for us to be on we weren’t literally in oncoming traffic). Things felt even sketchier when a homeless bloke living in a makeshift shelter on the bank of the underpass on the opposite side of the road started coming over, but it was immediately apparent that a) he was completely harmless and very much in his right mind and b) ignored us and went straight over to the stranded Uber driver and proceeded to help him change his tyre. Our second Uber duly showed up 2 mins later, and we were back on track (nb: sorry Mum & Dad, if you’re reading this you’re probably panicking but obviously it all ended up fine otherwise I wouldn’t be writing about it now).

Bags collected, we tried a local taxi app that was highly recommended, and a regular yellow cab showed up (note that it is not wise to just hail these guys from the street as apparently they will massively swindle you. The app allows you to offer a pre fixed price that they can accept or ignore). I was once again reminded that Bogotá drivers must be amongst the craziest in the world as we were treated to more dodging and weaving through the traffic, paying no mind to lanes or indicators, very much Wacky Races style.

The check in process was very easy and efficient and we chilled in a lounge for a bit. Bloody love airport lounges. Thence to the gate, and the plane. Next stop: Cartagena!